I am going on a date tonight with someone I met on the Internet. I am so fucking nervous it’s not even funny. Like, I don’t even know if I am going to make it. All I am trying to do, really, is put myself out there. Let the universe know I am interested in a relationship. I have spent gobs of time alone. I’ve ready plenty of self-help books. I’ve done the soul searching.
Now it just feels like I need to get OUT and interact with life.
I am mainly nervous because I don’t like unpredictable situations. Although those situations can also turn out to be really fun.
I am also nervous because I know deep down how picky I am. I feel an enormous amount of guilt (for some reason) at the prospect of going on a date with someone who I know I am 99% sure I am not going to be interested in. I am already worried about having to let him down. And I guess I’m also assuming that he’ll like me and I won’t like him. Which is totally retarded.
The good news is we are going to a bar to play foosball, and I love foosball (and always win — except against my dad…).
It would be easier if he wasn’t from online, though, because then I would know if there was potential chemistry or not. But he is who I have to work with right now. Of course I saw a couple photos of him and he might be cute, but honestly you never really know. One photo was cute, and two were blurry. Awesome.
I feel like I can trust my intuition in most cases, but with dating, the fear gets in the way, so I can’t tell the difference. So I get all these anxious feelings, which are mostly just fear, telling me DANGER DANGER.
But really, if I can step back and look at the facts, everything is going to be fine.
We exchanged a few emails, a few texts, and a phone call. I am all about meeting in person quickly cause it’s stupid to waste time on a fantasy. The texting is also the most annoying thing in the WHOLE WORLD (I hate texting and would rather talk), but he seems to “get it” when I’ve asked him to call or have given him a call to action (i.e., let’s make plans, rather than spin our wheels typing stupid messages).
I hate texting so much that I woke up in the middle of the night last night just pissed off thinking about it.
It sounds dramatic, but trying to get to know a guy by writing text messages back and forth just burns a flaming firey furnace through me. Cue the dramatic music.
We share a similar sense of humor and he was nice on the phone had a good voice (things that are important to me). He was the only guy out of like 30 guys who didn’t just do the stupid “wink” thing, but who also wrote a nice, funny email to me using the same goofy/weird tone in my ad.
I have to remind myself of this – it’s a good thing. The worst thing that can happen is I just like him as a friend (no attraction). And then we can both move on and I can find someone who hates texting as much as I do. For me this is just about putting one foot in front of the other…
My favorite time of day is 4:30 in the afternoon. Not because my j.o.b. will be over soon. But because I love the sky at this time and the low sunlight anticipating dusk. It’s the time when I used to run.
It’s just beautiful that slant of daylight.