Pretty

Nice

It never ceases to amaze me that when I acknowledge how to I feel (even in states of utter confusion) that I begin to feel better and even more decisive. I don't think it's a good idea to dwell on the feeling too long, but getting an answer (yes, that is how I feel!), seems to move things along. It's also kind of helpful to notice sometimes during the day that things are okay. Much of the time for me they are not extraordinarily happy or totally devastating. They are just somewhere in the middle--and that's a good, grounded place.

I do not keep a personal journal these days to write my feelings out because I seem to abuse that purpose. Meaning: I dwell on the negative, I pity party, and I attempt to write the great book that no one wants to read: Poor me: why my life is so much harder than yours and why I should feel sorry for myself (haha). Yeah, I think journal writing has a purpose, but it's not always helpful. I do write entries to god sometimes, like asking for things or saying what is in my heart, but I try to keep it positive. The pity parties, the negative feelings... I think they are habits gone bad. The more I am out in the world, meeting people, learning new things, the more I realize how very fortunate I am.

I like those little magnets with "How are you feeling today" and the different faces. Today I feel: BORED. Tomorrow? Who knows... And that's the joyful part of life (and, at times, the tragic). That it is all impermanent. That how we feel today will certainly change tomorrow.

This is a nice quote for someone on Flickr: "When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."

The porch

This porch looks a heck of a lot like the one on that old TV show, Roseanne. I watched A LOT of TV as a kid... I still remember the Tuesday night line up, circa 1992, which included Roseanne and The Wonder Years. Anyway, I would love to have a porch. I may even be willing to work longer and harder to get a porch (maybe...). There is something so cozy about being able to step on to a front porch before you walk in or out of a house--almost like the porch is protecting you. It's like the little moat of the house. I think there is this little old lady in me who would like to sit on the porch in a rocking chair and people watch (or squirrel watch). Lately I've been thinking maybe I should leave San Diego and go somewhere quieter and more affordable. My practical side has a lot to say and I've been wondering lately if I have accomplished here everything I set out to do. My big goals were to 1) learn how to surf and 2) get a job in publishing, both of which I manifested.

I'm confused right now about what's next. I don't know what I want to do. Honestly, sometimes I wish a direction would be placed in front of me. Go left, go right, whatever. Or maybe just stay right where I am. Yeah...

If you can lessen your expectation (even a little bit) about how things are supposed to be, and instead open your heart and acceptance to what is, you’ll be well on your way to a calmer and much happier life.
—Richard Carlson, PhD

photo by: http://www.flickr.com/photos/loupiote

forget the past

I've been kind of dumbfounded since last week. I had the rug pulled from under my feet, so to speak. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but you know, it's not easy. Basically I was doing the freelance writing and now I'm not. I think that's the hard part about being a freelancer and a writer. The rules aren't as simple as do this and we'll pay you. And sometimes the rules will suddenly change, like certain work will just conveinently (for them) not be paid for. I'm pretty annoyed... to be honest... and really, just my trust in the universe is shaken. I'm sure there's a big 'ol reason for everything (right?).

photo by: http://www.flickr.com/photos/flioukas

woof

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" —Anonymous

According to the person who took this photo, this is a Chinese crocodile lizard and he's actually yawning. Nice, huh.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/11304433@N00/ (cool sting ray pictures on here)

Yes, things could be worse

P.S. I am not promoting drinking here. :) This photo is so random and weird I just had to post it.

Photo by: http://www.flickr.com/photos/trois-tetes