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You can read it as a PDF even if you don’t have a Kindle. It’s a short easy read. Hopefully it might help some people too!

Does anyone know how new ebooks get so many reviews?!

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Being Equal to Everyone Else

Being equal to everyone else… is hard.
It means putting no one down.
Not in your mind, heart, or soul.

Because that person you dislike is you…
You and that person are the same.

Being equal to everyone else means
You judge no one.
You do not put others or yourself down.

That homeless person is equal to you.
The millionaire is equal to you.
The asshole who cut you off is you….

You aren’t any better or worse or anyone.
You are neither inferior nor superior.

When you do this you let go of the heaviness
And burden of life.

One Thing to Prioritize in Your Life

No one has any time — we all know that. Yet, I believe you DO make time for what is important.

What if you could make time for one new thing that could make a huge difference in improving your life?

I realized the other day that I always make time for exercise. The reason I do it is because it feels physically painful in my body to sit around all the time. I get achy and start going stir crazy if I don’t move.

So I GO OUT OF MY WAY to work out. It often goes to #1 on my list of things I must do in a day. When something is #1, you do it. You don’t think about it, you JUST DO IT.  Nothing can stop you.

I started thinking I’d like to do more to prioritize my mental health. Because if I only work on myself occasionally, I feel bad.

I’m already starting most days spending 5 minutes reading affirmations from, 101 Affirmations for Confidence and Self-Love.

But it’s not enough… So, I’m adding just a few minutes here and there of doing the Release Technique practice. I’ll release my feelings (or some of them) on a goal until I have no doubts or resistance.

Since I am still stumbling around a job goal that feels OK, I’ve instead chosen goals that are more universal. Like this one:

I allow myself to 100% supremely love myself with ease.

I write it down and then write down any feelings/thoughts that come up. Such as:

I don’t know how
I have some doubt
Resistance
Can I really do that?

Then I take each of those thoughts to wanting approval, wanting control and wanting safety — and allow the want to come up and then let it go so I HAVE.

After a few minutes there is some clarity. A little more love. I’ve noticed this love can last throughout the day.

I’m doing this because:

You don’t get better by doing nothing. You have to DO things. You can make one change.

It can even be a 10 second change.

Each time you spend 10 seconds focused on something new or helpful you’re DO-ing better.

Pick one thing…. Keep it a secret if you must.

Cliff Jumping

Reason to live:

When someone says to you, “how’s your day going?” And you say, “Uh, not so good.”

They respond and remind you, “Yeah, that’s life sometimes. Ups and downs.” And then you remember you just can’t get away from it — the pain and the pleasure.

It’s crazy and ridiculous… You think, “oh I’ll just stay home  and I’ll feel better, but then you don’t”. So you leave and get hit with the crap.

Then you remember the crap is LIFE. It’s your ego’s response to the world. It doesn’t know any better how to respond.

Bad stuff happens… good stuff happens… you learn to be more OK with it by detaching from your ego. Your ego = all your thoughts and ramblings in your head. It’s choosing to identify with the real you more than those things.

You can get hit with thunder and fire and still be OK. You really can!

THEN YOU ARE FREE.

Then you have more empathy and more love to give EVERYONE.

We’re all stuck in the past — we’re all walking around in memories. When you get hurt it’s just a feeling from the past.

It’s tempting to want to escape and walk away from it all.

Then you remember that EVERYONE deals with the exact same thing. Those who feel most alive are the ones who don’t fear it. They seek out experiences that bring it up — pain, joy, fear, ecstasy. They aren’t walking around scared.

The other night I realized as I was driving (on a quiet, peaceful road) that I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel safe in this world.

And for the first time I saw this as a product of my ego. IT’S NOT REAL. It’s a choice I am making in a deep, unconscious way. I am choosing to want safety, rather than letting myself have it.

This unsafe feeling is just a feeling — a game, you might say, that my ego is playing. I drop it the moment I get home and crawl into bed.

Anytime I want (and with practice) I can let go of that unsafe feeling and decide I AM SAFE.  ALL THE TIME.

This concept is so weird and powerful, I’m having a hard time grasping it. I actually freaked out when I realized I constantly don’t feel safe for no reason. It’s a terrible uncomfortable feeling inside.

Imagine the times you don’t feel safe — when there is actual danger in your path — now imagine having that all the time. I really got hit with seeing that this is often how I operate. 

This is pretty personal, but I want to share it… it’s not as bad as I’m explaining here, but it’s worse than I want it to be….

This is why I feel most safe at home. I feel most safe lying in bed and every day I so look forward to putting on my pjs or sweat pants and getting under the covers…. where it’s “safe.”

But why would it be any safer under the covers?!

The only reason I can think of is because I feel in control.

When I walk outside into the day, I lose that control.

I don’t know why, but there is just this silly fear underneath it all. It’s something I decided long ago.

If I feel I can’t control my environment I worry I am going to freak.

This is why I choose people who make me feel safe. But you know, it’s just a choice I make. I’ve chosen people in the past who I thought were safe who were definitely not.

What all of this means is THAT HAVING SAFETY IS A DECISION. No one else can package up safety and give me a shot of it. It doesn’t come in a can or a bottle or in anything you can read or take. It’s a thought between your ears, only.

I can set a goal of feeling safe and comfortable when I’m out in the world. That means that difficult or uncomfortable things can happen, but they don’t personally affect how safe I feel inside.

That’s because no one else can decide how I feel inside.

I am still going to wake up and feel unsafe, but the more I can choose to let it go and feel loving instead, the more I am aligned with all that is good and true.

You don’t feel like your best self when you fall apart, but you have to fall apart to become your best self.

~Richie Norton

One Thing Is Certain

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, How you managed to survive.


You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over.


But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, You won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what the storm’s all about.

― Haruki Murakami

This gives me goosebumps.

The Evening Glow

Reasons to live:

Next week is my birthday. Considering that last year I spent it with a douchebag asshole (how do you really feel?) I doing whatever the fuck I want this year. I think I’m taking myself to a ski film festival.

I think I have a place to live…. for free… for the next 7 months. With a feral cat. By a river.

I’ve almost finished reading a 997-page book. The PIllars of the Earth. This is an excellent idea if you are looking for a job and want to put it off. If that books seems too long you can download my little ebook, 101 Affirmations for Confidence and Self-Love. Or go crazy with The Perfect Pull.

Another good friend of mine is having a baby and getting married, and I am so happy for her! These girls who want babies and don’t get them until their late 30s… it’s just all the more special. I kind of wish I wanted a baby. I just want a room full of cats. But then when I’m old, like 80, I want a kid to help take care of me. Oh decisions.

It’s candy corn season.

The Release Technique stuff continues to help. It’s like I’m feeling my feelings for the first time. It’s terrifying and soothing and crazy.

I still don’t like Facebook because of all the rah-rah stupid shit on there, but I’ve realized I haven’t gone on once in the last month, nor have I had the desire. I’m proud of myself. I used to be so addicted to it. It’s really a relief to have it be in the past. I want my conversations to mainly be in person, or on the phone. And I want those conversations to be meaningful and connected. I don’t get that connection–like-feeling from having my social life online (unless it’s Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter. j/k!)

Another post filled with f-word goodnees (in case I didn’t satisfy you in the first paragraph): Why “You Can Go Fuck Yourself” Is a Great Attitude to Take on Today.

Lastly, here are some magical beings of light:

On the edge of dreaming when the brain lets go,

when it stops its scheming, our blood runs slow…

Then the heart speaks clearly of the things it knows,

things it brought so dearly at the evening’s glow.

~Oksana Rus

A Little Magic Dust

Some of my favorite affirmations from 101 Affirmations for Confidence and Self-Love:

  • When I get challenged I see the opportunity for love and approval.
  • My happiness does not depend on anything or anyone for validation.
  • I can let go of needing the approval of others to value myself.
  • I am relaxed, confident, and believe in myself.
  • I am a strong, capable, and loving human being.
  • I am lovable and acceptable whether I succeed or fail.
  • I will not tolerate mistreating myself.
  • My sense of worth cannot change, no matter what the circumstance.
  • I am able to tolerate and let go of a wide range of emotions with ease.
  • I am acceptable and lovable exactly as I am right now.
  • Everyone is equal to me and I am equal to everyone else.
  • I am wanted and loved by all of life.
  • I believe in my capacity to grow and change in a positive direction.

You can read all of them by getting your copy here (Note: you can read Kindle books easily on any device — iPhone (with an app) or laptop — you don’t need a Kindle reader).

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Nobody can say anything about you.
Whatsoever people say is about themselves.

But you become very shaky, because you are still clinging to a false center.

That false center depends on others, so you are always looking to what people say about you.
And you are always following them, you are always trying to satisfy them.

You are always trying to be respectable, you are always trying to decorate your ego. This is suicidal.
Rather than being disturbed by what others say, you should start looking inside yourself.

-Osho

We’re all OK

Today is a good day because:

  • It is bright and sunny outside
  • I’ve been waking up every morning and saying the 101 affirmations in the book I wrote. It is helping. You can get a copy for 99 cents, or email me and I’ll send you a PDF for free in exchange for a review. 365reasonstolive@gamil.com.
  • I love the coffee shop where I’m hanging most days. Today I look pretty, wore cute clothes and no one is starring at me. Yay!
  • I was judging various people today (missionaries, meth-looking lady in the liquor store parking lot) and caught myself and said to myself:

    They are not better or worse than me. Can I decide to be an equal to EVERYONE?

    This is SO freeing.

  • My jetpack widget is no longer working on this website, so I can’t see my stats (and I don’t know how to fix it) and I’m just going to let go and not worry about it.
  • I took my homepage off Google news and put it on a blog that inspires me.
  • They are playing Michael Jackson’s greatest hits in here. Yes!
    Probably one of my all time favorite songs below.

And that is it. I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Even when things aren’t working I’m loving myself instead of cutting myself down. It is astounding.

I feel like I’m starting to feel genuine self-love for the first time.

It is not dependent on anyone else. It is not dependent on where I live. It is not dependent on anything.

I am living at home. I am underemployed. I am almost 37 and I don’t know how to get what I want. And I am starting to genuinely love myself. Ha ha!

It’s starting not to matter. The pieces are falling away. I’m starting to feel real joy for NO FUCKING REASON.

Other than — my ego/mind is dropping off, slowly, with practice. Behind all the thoughts and all the crap and garbage is this genuine joy and zest for life. And not zest for life later, but now!

So I’m feeling better even though nothing has changed in my world and I have this horribly boring editing job to do today.

I owe this improvement to what I’ve learned in the Release Technique over the past 6 months, which I’ve been doing with my friend Dan and a few other people. It’s seriously the most helpful thing I have done in years. It makes sense, feels authentic, and has me thinking about myself in a whole new way.

I’m moving forward.

I’m hating my feelings less. I’m hating pain less. I’m less scared of feeling things. That has honestly been one of my biggest problems. Fear of feelings and pain = more and more pain.

It’s just dissolving…

I freaking Love this beat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And cause we’re thinking of Michael, this one is good too:

To the guys staring at me at the coffee shop today

You must have something better to do, right? I am not interested in talking to you, and frankly I am not interesting, period.

I hope you enjoyed watching me blow my nose profusely.

No, I did not shower this morning.

Have a great day.

P.S., Thinking I need some humor to lighten things up around here.  I AND MOST WOMEN do not like being stared at (unless you are Keith Urban (j/k), or have an exceptional personality, or we’re at a bar and it’s dark so I can’t really see you).

If we have something on our face, please let us know.

P.P.S., Well the staring has ended 30 minutes later. But I’m still getting a lot of friendly looks from people — although it is nicer, less creepy.  Creepy = continuing to stare at me after I make eye contact that clearly says go the fuck away.

YES, I SEE YOU.

Ready. Fire. Aim

Today let’s do those things we’ve been putting off for no good reason. I know everyone’s time is limited, but I think you can make time for what is really important.

YOU are really important.

So make time to improve yourself and do things that will help you become stronger.

-Give yourself lots of love and approval.
-If you don’t know how to love and approve of yourself, think of something you do love unconditionally.
-Think about how much you love that person or thing and feel it
-Just do that and you’ll be loving yourself more!
-Try doing one thing you’ve been putting off (mine was going to the bank and depositing a check I’ve been carrying around)
-Do one that that aims you in the direction you want (this can take a minute or two — maybe it’s just making a list)

It’s incredibly energizing to do the things we procrastinate –> and yes this advice is coming from a master procrastinator.Even though you might at first think THIS IS GOING TO SUCK and not be fun, getting stuff done is actually really freeing.

It frees up your mind and energy.

basketP.S., I just found out my BFF from college is pregnant. I am so excited! But in my own morbid way it makes me think of this movie scene from Space Balls.

 

Fear of Happiness = WTF

So I’m working on an ebook for this site. It’s almost done. Just a short one. I’ve got a good pen name and I’m pretty excited to put some more book material together.

I want to publish a bunch of books that I can link to on this site, so the pen name allows me to be as honest as I want. There is nothing that excites me more than writing books.

The craziest thing about this book is that I’m writing about how to use affirmations and going WAY BACK into some deep unconscious stuff.

I never realized before that I am afraid to be happy.

Like it doesn’t feel safe. Happiness feels like a sham. It feels like if I allow it to burst out of me that someone will steal it away.

There is is something scary and ugly behind this fear… like it’s a really sad, hopeless feeling related to how I feel about happiness.

-Like that it’s not possible for a sustained period, or that it’s unsafe.
-That it’s better to stay unhappy and have less to lose. :(
-It’s not OK to be happy with things as they are.
-You can be punished for being happy (wft?)
-You don’t deserve to be happy.

This is kind of a what-the-fuck moment (so f-words must be spoken here). And then the next thought:

You can get past this.

Thank you.

It’s just automatic thoughts from the past. Things I decided when I was a kid and didn’t have the ability to think for myself.

Now I am older. I can decide how I want to feel. I can put this conflict to rest. I can choose what I want to carry around.

The choice is instantaneous, but the work takes time. It is true, though, that this stuff starts with awareness.

Stop shoving shit down your throat and thinking you can bury it. What you bury will come up to bother you until you can look it in the face.

THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO. Just look shit in the face.

Be brave enough to feel it.

Say, “hey, yes, I see you.”

Hold it in your hand. It’s just a belief.  It might feel like the dark night of the soul, but no bigger than a grain of sand.

Allow it to go. Allow it to leave your body, like you would a roaring laugh.

You can actually feel stuff come up and go if you let it.

One author here says this about fear of happiness:

The easiest thing to do is to create a series of inner and outer barriers. Stop happiness cold in it’s tracks before it can play it’s familiar game: Joy followed by pain.

So, over time, you close yourself off to opportunities which shrinks your world and your life down to a much more easily controlled series of predictable events.

Geez… if I really am living this way… it’s not acceptable.

I want to be the best version of myself I can be.

Going All the Way

“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start.

This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery–isolation. Isolation is the gift.

All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.

And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that.

You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”

― quote by Charles Bukowski

Reasons to live… What is your reason?